Cut the future some slack

I want to know when my age cohort became so intolerant, critical and insulting of younger people? I see so many posts and memes that tell young people that they are less than, unworthy, strange and undeserving of our respect.

Of course we were ideal young people. We listened to the music our parents approved of, dressed in a way that they approved of, were never rebellious or angry and never took risks. We dated people that our parents approved of, read the same type of books that they did and never made mistakes, right? We weren’t obsessed with our appearance and our outfits and role models weren’t ridiculous.

So, if you think that every youngster in a hoodie and slouchy pants is a “gangsta” and every girl who twerks is a slut, if you think that every kid with piercings and tattoos is “evil” and every kid who likes rap music is a “thug”, then you sound and think like somebody's intolerant grandparents.

I think all the memes and messages to teens about “the world not owing them anything” is bullshit. Of course the world – WE- owe our kids lots. We owe them security, safety, an education. We owe them diversity, and the freedom to express themselves. We owe them the ability to become who they are. To make mistakes. To catch them when they fall.

I think those memes are about laziness. OUR laziness. If you know a teen or young person who is disaffected, step in, own your adulthood and have a conversation. If your teen or young person lacks direction, ask yourself if you are setting an appropriate example. Are you living a life of purpose? Who are the other people in your life that could positively influence that young person?

I’m not saying all young people are flawless and there are some out there who are making bad decisions as I type, but let’s not throw a whole generation under the bus shall we? After all, I know plenty of fucked up 47 year old's too.

So, to the young people in my Facebook life; Simone Le Pere, Miriam Ryan, Christopher Ryan, Brittaney Jamie McCulloch, Neo Sbu Nyati , Suubi Matshikiza, Toria Bayer, Anna Bayer, Alexandria James, Tammy James , Zain Lewis, Chloe Anastasia Johnson and the others who are too young for Facebook, or too smart and cool to have even accepted my friend requests, I love you all and am proud of you all. I love seeing you shine in your own way! When I look at you, I smile because I honestly believe the future is so much brighter with you guys in it.
Now don’t fuck it up!
(Excuse the language, but you guys know me by now)

Sisters!! Can we just stop the black on black violence

I know it sounds like such a cliché, but the longer I’m around, the more I believe that we black women are our own worst enemies, particularly in the workplace. I just don’t understand it though? Why do we go out of our way to sabotage our sisters?? I’m talking about just plain old bitchery here. I don’t know if when we attain a position of seniority, we suddenly assume that good old “baaskap” is the only way to go. Are we so determined to be seen as “special” in our achievement that we spend energy actively preventing other women from moving up that so called ladder? Is it because we are ill equipped to truly lead and manage, that we revert to publicly humiliating others to let everyone know we are in charge?

I don’t know what the root cause/s are but hell it breaks my heart to see it in action. And to any sister who I may have disrespected along the way I say a huge “askies neh”…I know better now and promise to do better.

Wish me twice on Mother's Day

Yesterday was Father's Day. On Facebook and Twitter I saw messages wishing me and other single mothers a Happy Father's Day.

 I've decided to respond to those messages a day late because, while it is not my intent to offend those well - meaning wishers, I do want them to consider something. I am a single mother but I am my child's mother, not her father. She is fortunate to have her father in her life but even if he weren’t, I would never be her father.

Now let me clarify - I understand that it takes more than a donation of sperm to be called Father, in the same way that it requires more than expelling an infant from the birth canal to be called Mother, so when I use those terms I mean them in their best possible sense.

I think I understand the intent of the wishers. We all know and understand that being a single parent is not an ideal situation and that it often means that resources (emotional and material) are stretched. So I think the wishers want to acknowledge this. Clearly they also want to express their displeasure at "Deadbeat Dads" - men who either do not acknowledge their children or those who do not support them (emotionally and or materially).

While In in my life circle I know as many bad fathers as I do mothers - one of each - I am also aware that men not taking the requisite responsibility within their families, and the lives of their children is a growing societal problem. 

But when we decide to share the day, we simply undermine what we should be celebrating - Fatherhood. We negate the essential value of fathers in our society.

When we wish Mothers a Happy Father’s day, we pretty much make the job of Fatherhood redundant. Perhaps it’s little wonder that fewer men than we would like are stepping up to embrace this role.

So while I am grateful for the appreciation of the sometimes difficult life of a single mom, next year please don't wish me on Father's Day. If you really think I pull double duty, wish me twice on Mother's Day.